An Abundance of Spaz Attacks

Hey y'all, sorry my post last week wasn't that interesting. It was a bad week therefore my blog post was bad. Anyways, I think spaz should be a word. Many of us use it but it's not a word, but it really should be. If combinations of letters like twerk and selfie can be considered words, why can't spaz be word? I mean it describes many of us teenage girls at many times, and we're always looking for new descriptive words, right? I just don't get it.

I've been like such a spaz the last weeks and here are some of the reasons why:

The Good

25 Days until Summer!

Like OMG YAY, I mean school is great, you learn, you get killed with homework, you wake up at 5 am five out of the seven days of the week, and really it's just an overall great time, but SUMMER, IT'S ALMOST HERE! 

I can almost taste it

Even Less Days until Marching Band!

Molly, fellow band geeks, this should also be good news for you. Marching band is a place of many disturbing but hilarious inside jokes, suffering, and pain, and yelling at each other (but somehow, at the end of it, we still manage to talk to the other people), five mornings a week of sweat and sun, and very uncomfortable black shoes.

Fatality

I Have a Horse Show on Saturday!

Yay, again! I'm riding this horse named Bay Magic, and let's just say he's amazing, and he's making getting over Gambit a little easier. But like OMG, I have a show on Saturday, and it's a three phase (which means nothing to you but oh well)! It's an actual eventing show where they have all three phases: dressage, stadium jumping, and cross country.

Fun times

We Have State Band on Friday!

Again, EEP! Like, I don't even know how we made it, but we did, and we get to miss out on another day of school, and I get to spend the day with people I actually like, and it's going to be so much fun!

I couldn't think of a gif to do for this one.... Pardon my lack of creativity.

The Bad

SAGE Testing

One word to describe this: ugh, gross, goshdarnit, crud, yucky, stupid, useless, glitchy, clearasmud, ridiculous, poopy. Oh wait, that was eleven (11, 1, same thing, just bear with me here).  I just love having to spend 50 minutes out of our given 80 minutes in the tech office while my computer is having software reinstalled (and not working), just for a glitchy, rough standardized test. Yup, definition of a great day. 

Can anyone relate?

Spotify

I'm still going to blame this on SAGE Testing, because through the software updates, they removed Spotify off my computer. And my main source for listening to music, gone? Yeah, I'm not a happy camper.

I. Have. A. B

Many of you are probably like, "Oh, boohoo Pauline, deal with it," but really, it is that bad.

You may think they are fine and innocent, but really they're just out there to ruin your dreams

I just reread the Divergent series and The Fault in Our Stars

I don't even know what to do with myself.

I can't look at pictures or gifs because it's going to bring back the feels, and no one wants to see Pauline spazzing out with the feels. Actually you might want to grab a video camera. 

Ciao!

Lessons for Little Kids

I've just been teaching a lot of horseback riding lessons to little kids, and let's just say kids are, um, interesting. Each one is so different. There are a few that are totally helpful and adorable and you just love them, then there are some that just don't stop talking about how much they know about horses. They think they are the most brilliant kid on the planet because they realized horses like carrots. Yup, bravo, kid, bravo. The world is much, much better with your brilliance being contributed to the world.

Then there are others who don't talk at all and it's just super duper awkward.

*Kid is silent

You're silent

Kid is silent

You're silent

You blurt out unceremoniously, "Um what did you have for lunch today?"

Kid is silent

You discreetly say, "Oh okay, never mind."*

 Then there are those kids who are chatty and it's not awkward, but it's a disaster when you put them on a horse. Like they were holding there reins above their heads. Then they glare at you when you ask them to lower their hands. NO KID THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK COOL!

The worst is when you give a tiny jumping lesson and this happens.

Ouch!

And then the saving grace is when you have all six of your lessons done so you can go ride.

And then the horse spends ten minutes with their nose in the air like, "HEY GUESS WHAT?! YOU CAN'T REACH ME! NANANANANA HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!"

No, what?! My day didn't go like that! Psh what are you talking about?

Things Not to Try at Home

Through my experiences, these are some things you probably shouldn't try.. Again, based on my skill level, these things may be easy for you, but they ended badly for me, so consider yourself warned. Don't judge me, this is going to be really random, but I have a severe case of writer's block right now, so I was trying to think of something, and this is the best I could come up with.


At home, do not attempt to:

1. Make cookie pizzas

Yes, I am very skilled at baking and nearly caught my oven on fire while trying to make a cookie pizza. The cookie pizza was very yummy, but it was not a very attractive cookie, and let's just say, let's be thankful we didn't have to buy a new oven.

When making a cookie pizza, make sure there are about two inches from the cookie to the edge of the pan. If you don't, the cookie dough will barf all over the inside of your oven, making it look like World War III Food Edition, and then you will have the brilliant idea to hit the button "Clean" on your oven, and you will watch expectantly hoping for the grossness just to go away. To your dismay, you watch your cookie turn black very quickly, and the wax paper underneath it catch on fire.

Don't make cookie pizzas without strict adult supervision. Otherwise, you will spend two and a half hours cleaning and deodorizing your oven.

I can't bake and neither can this person

2. Watch horror movies while holding your poodle

I have two poodles, and they're standard poodles so they are big. I was watching a horror movie at home alone, and because I was scared, I went and picked up my 50 pound poodle, and resumed the movie. I'm not sure why his eyes were bugging out; maybe because he was scared too, or maybe I was squeezing him so tight I was suffocating him. To this very day, I probably know why.

3. Decide to fry ice cream

One day I was really board and decided I was going to fry ice cream so I turned the stove on high, put a bunch of oil in the pan, and put ice cream in the pan, then put it on the stove. Ya, I just had a really hot stove and gurgling puddle of oil and ice cream that was starting to burn. It smelled awful.

Don't be fooled, it will not look like this.

4. Paint your nails while cooking ramen

You will end up with a floor of noodles, I feel like I don't need to explain myself.

5. Put a TV mount on the wall with a drill, a screwdriver, and your brother.

I'm surprised I don't have a broken toe.

6. Try to light a tissue on fire because you don't know what will happen.

The tissue will burn and then when it's at your fingers, you will drop it because you didn't think it through then it will leave a black hole on your carpet (I was in third grade, no judging, remember?).

Before you know it, it will be on your carpet

7. Bareback race some ponies that you are taller than.

You will fall on your butt, and laugh hysterically until the little booger comes running around again and you will scream, inhale some dirt, roll away, and wonder why you are still alive.

A for effort

8. Open netflix before your homework is done.

I, again, don't need to explain myself.

9. Watch your brother play COD because you will earn yourself an unhealthy addiction of refusing to go downstairs because you are afraid of hearing that horrible moan/grunt of a zombie.


I didn't end on 10, just to be evil >:)  Haha, see ya next week!

Gambit

Hey guys! I talk about Gambit quite a lot with you, but you probably don't know what he's really like. Well just to let you know (not to brag or anything), he is the sweetest, kindest, cutest, most caring, biggest dingus, talented, want-to-please horse out there. He is really a diamond in the rough and I will love him forever. Anyways, I'm going to show you a few pictures of him (sorry, my phone's camera is pretty lacking in photography abilities and Gambit doesn't really like to stand still, so what you get is the best it's gonna be...).

People say one picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go.

I'm guessing this is where he got his race name, Justa Fast Mule. He looks more like a moose here.

This horse's sass does not wear out. Ever. Or his personality. He's a fun one, and requires minimal babysitting.

Oh, umm this blanket he has wrapped around his neck, it's a cooler. It soaks up all his sweat (ewww!) so he doesn't get cold!

Gambit's favorite food? Sugar cubes. Oh, and cheerios.

Sleepy buddy

This was after the show I told you about how to prepare for. Yeah, we rode pretty well and took home some first, second, third, and fourth place ribbons (yeah, we're pro). He jumped perfectly in all the rounds (score!), except one... He conveniently refused to take this one jump, resulting in a confused Pauline and my teammates on the side cracking up.

Funny story, at that show, the first round was a 2'3" course, and our team was the last to go. Well the first TWENTY people in front of us we're all on the same team, and they seemed all preppy, and like they had their stuff together. APPARENTLY NOT! Every horse on that team refused three or more jumps (some refused every jump they came up to), and the lovely judges let all TWENTY FREAKIN HORSES eventually get over every. Stinking. Jump. It took about an hour and a half. Another funny story about that show: We were supposed to be home by four or five after the show, but because of that very convenient, polite, selfless, efficient, and totally amazing team, the one where the horses just totally wanted to try every jump five times (if you couldn't tell, my typing is dripping in sarcasm) we didn't get back to the barn until 10:45 at night. WOO, planning helps.

You've seen this one before

I love this pic

He's so perfect, and mine, and we make such a fantastic team. He's like that one friend you have that you always look for in the hallways, you always finish each other's sentences, you can be who you are with them, and you can communicate just by looking at each other.Yup, that's Gambit!

He has this curious, sweet look to him, and really this picture sums him up because he's fuzzy, nothing fancy on the ground, sweet, and always in tune to things.

He's also a mess...

And he loves, loves, LOVES to jump.

Pardon my position

This picture is just bad.

I don't really remember why I thought this would be a good idea...

Human, what are you doing? Staaaahhhhpppp

This really wasn't a good idea either...

Classy

If you couldn't tell by what I've said already, he's amazing and perfect in every way imaginable. But he's gone forever now. He'll always be my baby and I'll miss him forever. Gambit, I love you from the very bottom of my heart and you mean the world to me. You taught me so much, and we'll always remember you and your place in our hearts. Rest in peace, buddy.