Things Not to Try at Home

Through my experiences, these are some things you probably shouldn't try.. Again, based on my skill level, these things may be easy for you, but they ended badly for me, so consider yourself warned. Don't judge me, this is going to be really random, but I have a severe case of writer's block right now, so I was trying to think of something, and this is the best I could come up with.


At home, do not attempt to:

1. Make cookie pizzas

Yes, I am very skilled at baking and nearly caught my oven on fire while trying to make a cookie pizza. The cookie pizza was very yummy, but it was not a very attractive cookie, and let's just say, let's be thankful we didn't have to buy a new oven.

When making a cookie pizza, make sure there are about two inches from the cookie to the edge of the pan. If you don't, the cookie dough will barf all over the inside of your oven, making it look like World War III Food Edition, and then you will have the brilliant idea to hit the button "Clean" on your oven, and you will watch expectantly hoping for the grossness just to go away. To your dismay, you watch your cookie turn black very quickly, and the wax paper underneath it catch on fire.

Don't make cookie pizzas without strict adult supervision. Otherwise, you will spend two and a half hours cleaning and deodorizing your oven.

I can't bake and neither can this person

2. Watch horror movies while holding your poodle

I have two poodles, and they're standard poodles so they are big. I was watching a horror movie at home alone, and because I was scared, I went and picked up my 50 pound poodle, and resumed the movie. I'm not sure why his eyes were bugging out; maybe because he was scared too, or maybe I was squeezing him so tight I was suffocating him. To this very day, I probably know why.

3. Decide to fry ice cream

One day I was really board and decided I was going to fry ice cream so I turned the stove on high, put a bunch of oil in the pan, and put ice cream in the pan, then put it on the stove. Ya, I just had a really hot stove and gurgling puddle of oil and ice cream that was starting to burn. It smelled awful.

Don't be fooled, it will not look like this.

4. Paint your nails while cooking ramen

You will end up with a floor of noodles, I feel like I don't need to explain myself.

5. Put a TV mount on the wall with a drill, a screwdriver, and your brother.

I'm surprised I don't have a broken toe.

6. Try to light a tissue on fire because you don't know what will happen.

The tissue will burn and then when it's at your fingers, you will drop it because you didn't think it through then it will leave a black hole on your carpet (I was in third grade, no judging, remember?).

Before you know it, it will be on your carpet

7. Bareback race some ponies that you are taller than.

You will fall on your butt, and laugh hysterically until the little booger comes running around again and you will scream, inhale some dirt, roll away, and wonder why you are still alive.

A for effort

8. Open netflix before your homework is done.

I, again, don't need to explain myself.

9. Watch your brother play COD because you will earn yourself an unhealthy addiction of refusing to go downstairs because you are afraid of hearing that horrible moan/grunt of a zombie.


I didn't end on 10, just to be evil >:)  Haha, see ya next week!