Showtime

I survived SAGE!!!

Or at least the English portion of it...

Well you're probably thinking, "Did a bush try to kill you or something?"

Actually no you're probably not thinking that. You could be thinking anything like, "What's for dinner tonight?" Or, "What dress should I wear to that party?" (actually never mind, if you're thinking that, you probably don't even know me, let alone read my blog...). Or you could be thinking, "I wonder what a taco would look like if it had hands. Like would I be a cannibal if I ate a taco with hands?"

Okay guys, take a moment to imagine what a taco would look like if it had hands. *Shivers*

Okay not too bad

So I was at a show this last weekend and, yeah, I got first (insert applause here). Just kidding, I'm just as surprised as you are that I got first.

 So at the show on Saturday, I was warming up this pony named Goldie for this little eight year old who is kind of on our show team. It was early morning like 7:00 in the morning on Saturday (therefore very early) and I was cross country schooling her so she would be warmed up to the jumps, wouldn't spook, and would take all the jumps with the kid on her.

The first 3/4 mile went great; only a few refusals and that was because the jumps were pretty strange looking in the shadows. Then we got to the water, and she was still fine. And then she spooked at the jump coming out of the water. So I took her through the water again, soaking my show breeches. She took the jump without even looking at it (great, thanks, Goldie). Then there was a ginormous tunnel tent thing that was pretty sketchy and had a loose tarp on top of it, and it was windy.

So this dark horrifying thing creating shadows and a ton of noise was right next to the last obstacle. So Goldie doesn't even look at it. Then as we get to the bank, at a canter, she decides to stop and step to the side. I went over, and was hanging on her neck like a sloth on a tree (and let me tell you, that horse was not in the least bit okay with me hanging from her neck).

Probably something like this

Well, um yay I didn't fall off! What was my motivation? Keeping the show breeches clean. They were all soaking wet, so I refused to get them muddy too. Wow, I care more about my pants than my health..

There was also a dressage test which, let's say that did't go too well. I'm riding this ex-international show horse, and I couldn't do well on a simple dressage course (proves that it's not just the horse that does the work and the rider just sits there; you have to work your butt off). We were supposed to go down a center line, and I was about six feet off the center. Also, part of the dressage test was filled with random circles, and on my score sheet, the lady put, "Your circles look more like lopsided squares. Please fix geometry."

I have something to say, but I won't.

Even though I knew I didn't do that well, I may or may not have gotten touchy after a poor dressage test.

Sorry about a super horsey post, but I was just In the Mood for that, and thought I had some pretty exciting news.

Lessons for Little Kids

I've just been teaching a lot of horseback riding lessons to little kids, and let's just say kids are, um, interesting. Each one is so different. There are a few that are totally helpful and adorable and you just love them, then there are some that just don't stop talking about how much they know about horses. They think they are the most brilliant kid on the planet because they realized horses like carrots. Yup, bravo, kid, bravo. The world is much, much better with your brilliance being contributed to the world.

Then there are others who don't talk at all and it's just super duper awkward.

*Kid is silent

You're silent

Kid is silent

You're silent

You blurt out unceremoniously, "Um what did you have for lunch today?"

Kid is silent

You discreetly say, "Oh okay, never mind."*

 Then there are those kids who are chatty and it's not awkward, but it's a disaster when you put them on a horse. Like they were holding there reins above their heads. Then they glare at you when you ask them to lower their hands. NO KID THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK COOL!

The worst is when you give a tiny jumping lesson and this happens.

Ouch!

And then the saving grace is when you have all six of your lessons done so you can go ride.

And then the horse spends ten minutes with their nose in the air like, "HEY GUESS WHAT?! YOU CAN'T REACH ME! NANANANANA HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!"

No, what?! My day didn't go like that! Psh what are you talking about?

Gambit

Hey guys! I talk about Gambit quite a lot with you, but you probably don't know what he's really like. Well just to let you know (not to brag or anything), he is the sweetest, kindest, cutest, most caring, biggest dingus, talented, want-to-please horse out there. He is really a diamond in the rough and I will love him forever. Anyways, I'm going to show you a few pictures of him (sorry, my phone's camera is pretty lacking in photography abilities and Gambit doesn't really like to stand still, so what you get is the best it's gonna be...).

People say one picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go.

I'm guessing this is where he got his race name, Justa Fast Mule. He looks more like a moose here.

This horse's sass does not wear out. Ever. Or his personality. He's a fun one, and requires minimal babysitting.

Oh, umm this blanket he has wrapped around his neck, it's a cooler. It soaks up all his sweat (ewww!) so he doesn't get cold!

Gambit's favorite food? Sugar cubes. Oh, and cheerios.

Sleepy buddy

This was after the show I told you about how to prepare for. Yeah, we rode pretty well and took home some first, second, third, and fourth place ribbons (yeah, we're pro). He jumped perfectly in all the rounds (score!), except one... He conveniently refused to take this one jump, resulting in a confused Pauline and my teammates on the side cracking up.

Funny story, at that show, the first round was a 2'3" course, and our team was the last to go. Well the first TWENTY people in front of us we're all on the same team, and they seemed all preppy, and like they had their stuff together. APPARENTLY NOT! Every horse on that team refused three or more jumps (some refused every jump they came up to), and the lovely judges let all TWENTY FREAKIN HORSES eventually get over every. Stinking. Jump. It took about an hour and a half. Another funny story about that show: We were supposed to be home by four or five after the show, but because of that very convenient, polite, selfless, efficient, and totally amazing team, the one where the horses just totally wanted to try every jump five times (if you couldn't tell, my typing is dripping in sarcasm) we didn't get back to the barn until 10:45 at night. WOO, planning helps.

You've seen this one before

I love this pic

He's so perfect, and mine, and we make such a fantastic team. He's like that one friend you have that you always look for in the hallways, you always finish each other's sentences, you can be who you are with them, and you can communicate just by looking at each other.Yup, that's Gambit!

He has this curious, sweet look to him, and really this picture sums him up because he's fuzzy, nothing fancy on the ground, sweet, and always in tune to things.

He's also a mess...

And he loves, loves, LOVES to jump.

Pardon my position

This picture is just bad.

I don't really remember why I thought this would be a good idea...

Human, what are you doing? Staaaahhhhpppp

This really wasn't a good idea either...

Classy

If you couldn't tell by what I've said already, he's amazing and perfect in every way imaginable. But he's gone forever now. He'll always be my baby and I'll miss him forever. Gambit, I love you from the very bottom of my heart and you mean the world to me. You taught me so much, and we'll always remember you and your place in our hearts. Rest in peace, buddy.

Justa Fast Mule

Fun fact for the day, Gambit's race name was Justa Fast Mule. And his show name is no longer Dare to Compare because my trainer decided all horses on our show team had to have the word 'sweet' in their show name, so we had to change it. It's now Sweet Masquerade, and if you know the horse, this works much better.

Well I have a show tomorrow (YIPPEE), but this means massive work. How to prepare for a show:

Your tack has already been cleaned, and  you stayed up till 11:00 the night before washing your horse and loading the trailer. 

1) Be at the barn at 6:00 in the morning. The barn is in Heber, and I DON'T WANT TO BE IN HEBER FLIPPING UTAH AT 6:00 IN THE MORNING! 

2) Clean up your horse and wrap his legs for shipping. This is a tedious process consisting of, "Oh hey look, I just spent the last five minutes rolling up that shipping wrap, and wow, I dropped it." **10 minutes later** Yes, it's wrapped again and I got every minuscule piece of dust out of it. **Trips** Oh, would ya look at that, I just dropped it. Again. *Tries to stomp off melodramatically and trips again.* 

Five minutes later, try this again.

Whisper to yourself frantically, "I will not drop the shipping wrap, I will not drop it, I WILL NOT DROP THE FLIPPING SHIPPING WRAP!"

Your whispers scare your horse so it farts and you, in pursuit to not smell the horrible gas, cover your nose. Their goes your shipping wrap.

It NEVER works like this

3) Take care of kids horses. Yeah, you not only get to take care of your horse, but of the other eight year olds' horses because they always arrive fashionably late and are "Too young for the responsibility." Too young my butt.

4) Run frantically around barn trying to make sure you packed everything. Leave that bridle you really really really need out because you need to change the bit before putting in the trailer.

5) Once your horse is (by miracle) wrapped this morning, wait in line to load it.

6) Load horse. This consists of pulling on the lead rope and the horse following, then stopping right before the trailer. You pull harder, the horse stays. It's giving you the  I'm-1200-pounds-you're-115-who-do-you-think-is-gonna-win-this-battle-hmmm-let-me-think-oh-hey-I-think-I-got-it-ME-HARDY-HARDY-HAR-HAR-HAR-HAR-NICE-TRY-HUMAN look.

Story of my life

7) Repeat step six eight times.

8) Get in car, then all the little kids arrive, fashionably late, totally innocent, completely clean, in show clothes and well rested (meanwhile you're in the car, hair ruffled, sweatpants and sweatshirt from last night on, hay sticking out from the back of your head, bags under your eyes, and you smell bad).

9) As trailer pulls away, realize you left that super duper important bridle on your tack trunk, and scream and beg your trainer to stop so you can go grab it.

10) Run with as little coordination as possible, grab the bridle, grab the bit, and hey look, your water bottle, grab that too, oh wait there's your video camera, might want that, oh and look, your show breeches!

11) Run desperately for the truck, jump in, slam your foot while closing the door, cover your curses with wonderful things like daisies and butterflies.

12) Now you only have the show to worry about! What could possibly go wrong?!

Last Sundays

Before I start, happy (late) Thanksgiving! How was yours? Mine was great, I did dishes all day. 

You know those Sundays after a break and you have the overwhelming doom of having to go to school the next day? You know that depressing feeling you get when you have to pull out your homework after your backpack has been in the closet for a week growing dust? Do you know that awful feeling when break is over? Yes, yes we all do. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. 

I know I'm still getting over the Post-Thanksgiving-Dinner-Hangover. I'm still living in the dream of no school, going to bed at whatever time I want, knowing that I'll be able to wake up the next morning, and lay in bed, snuggled up like a burrito, then close my eyes and go back into burrito sleep. But that dream is over. When the alarm rings tomorrow morning, I'm probably just going to stay in my burrito. 

This morning, I pulled out my dusty backpack and the uncharged laptop, and sat for a while, refusing to believe that tomorrow is school. After sitting around for an hour, I just started homework. Woohoo, what fun it is to laugh and sing in a homework-induced coma! My mind is already on Christmas and gifts (this is the kind of thing you might be getting from me).

Come on Santa! We're waiting!

This break, has been amazing. Even though I only had one burrito morning this break, I'm more rested than I have been since summer, and I finally had a sleepover with some friends. 

PAUSE

Let me tell you a bit about that sleepover. My friends and I, oh, we are such rebels. Do you know what? At eleven that night we snuck some items in the room: water and pretzels (GASP!!). Yes, we know, we are such rule breakers. Even worse, we spilled one of those five glasses of water (oh we're in trouble now!). Okay, after sharing with the world what rebels we are, I can continue.

UN-PAUSE

I don't exactly remember where I paused, and you probably don't either, so we should start on another random tangent. Agreed? 

At the barn this week (here I go again), nothing really eventful happened. I did have a really good dressage lesson where I realized my horse does understand leads and can actually do dressage well, and then the next day when I tried again, I was nearly bucked off. Also during that same day, we decided to take a jump (bad, bad decision, Pauline) and my lovely steed took the jump about eight feet away from the jump and jumped about a foot and a half higher than it had to, so it probably looked something like this: 

Not with too much over-exaggeration...

Sorry it wasn't a picture of me, I lost my video camera. Whoopdee-doo. 

And to make my day even greater, it’s raining. Since I’m too busy sitting on a chair procrastinating, have a lovely day for me!!