To Do or Not to Be

Well you are probably thinking, "Now that ain't right." And no it ain't. Okay, I'm done with the bad grammar. Well to do or not to be, that is the real question. Back to my little issue, music or horses? Well, I'm still figuring it out, but I haven't had a horseback lesson in now three weeks. That's awful for me. Think of something you really love. Reading, video games, art, sports, chasing children, whatever makes you happy. Now think about not doing that for THREE WEEKS. Or for any of you music people out there, imagine not going to band or a lesson for three weeks. Well now you feel like me.

I'm shaking out of my own skin, wanting to have a dinosaur step on anything that comes in my way of the barn, etc. Oh and look, what conflicts with the barn? Music. Hey look, I like music. Wow, this is just dandy. I have two band concerts, two weeks in a row, ON THE SAME DAY I'M SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BARN! So now, the question, to do or not to be? Or to be and not to do? I'm either going to do band and music lessons, and not be at the barn. Or, I will be at the barn and not do band.

Well the answer ended up being to do and not to be. I'm going to the concerts. I love music. I love band, most of my friends in school are from band, and my grade depends on it. So music ends up being my Wednesday plan for the next two weeks.

I have a solo at my jazz concert (if you go to this link, they might have videos of the concert) tonight (which I am planning on jumping out a window before so I can have a reasonable excuse not to go). I'm terrified. The only other times I soloed in front of everyone was the last jazz concert. Most people you would expect a solo to be like "Ba da ba da ba da ba da ba doo waat. De be da bah da doowat-doowat doo ba da doo wah-daht," and so on. But I was like "Garble de farble de doowat garble, squeak, breathe, garble dee," and so on.

The irony is, I'm much more comfortable on a horse that ways at least ten times as much as I do, jumping over things that are 1/2 to 3/4 my height, speeding 25 mph towards a gate and doing everything I can to not slam into it, than I am standing up, playing about a minute of improvised music to people, and sitting back down.

This is 2 feet six inches...  Back when I used to go to the barn..

Don't get me wrong, I love, love, LOVE music and jazz, but it's easier to listen to it than it is to play. I just scare myself by inadvertently comparing myself to people way better than me in music. On horseback, people dare to compare to me.